What Is the "Right" Advice for Moms With Daughters Struggling With Body Image?

What Is the "Right" Advice for Moms With Daughters Struggling With Body Image?

"'Body image" has wielded a lot of influence in my life. I use the word “wield,” because many of the connotations associated with those two little words—thoughts, diets, habits. Stigmas, have exercised a significant amount of control. And, until recently, I definitely wasn’t in the driver’s seat. Plus, quite honestly, there are some days when I still decide to buckle myself in the backseat, instead.

"Growing up, both of my parents were extremely health conscious.

While some kids had goldfish, fruits snacks, and Lunchables in their backpacks. My mom would pack things like sandwiches made with flax bread, vegetables, and organic yogurt or soymilk.  This wasn’t a bad thing (and these days it’s actually something I’m quite thankful for!), but at the time, I always felt like an outlier. Because of the food I ate. Growing up, the approach to diet felt very black and white which, as a kid, seemed to translate as strictly “good” or “bad.” Looking back, I think I cultivated a very dysfunctional relationship with food at a very young age. Additionally, my mom was always experimenting with diets and trying to lose weight.

We never actually talked about body image or her dieting and exercise, but I definitely observed negative body image manifest—without any sort of narrative to help me make sense of it. I would watch my mom, (who is honestly the most kind, gentle, and radiantly beautiful woman I know) beat herself down trying to lose those couple last pounds or fit into that of old pair of jeans. I think I inherently began to understand positive body image as something that was to be achieved. Something that teased and taunted, but was never actually attainable. Because if the woman I thought of as Supermom couldn’t have it, who could?

"When I developed a nasty eating disorder my junior year of high school,

I was forced to go back to the drawing board. As I went through different levels of treatment, my mom and I finally had those conversations we never had when I was younger, and simultaneously we both had to put the training wheels back on. Which, in all honesty was an incredibly raw experience.

Never in a million years would I blame my mom for my eating disorder, and her support and love and patience was absolutely pivotal to my recovery, but I do think having open conversations with your daughter—and having a certain awareness as to what they might observe, and how the outside world will validate and explain for you, is key. After talking to my mom, I know that she would have been open to having these conversations, (especially if she had an inkling of my future struggles), but it was just kind of this unsaid thing. According to the universe, everything she was doing was the norm. So, it was almost like…why even talk about it or explain it?"